Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
