The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
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