Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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