Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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