mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
