4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize