I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
