so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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