dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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