i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
