I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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