If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
