Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
