I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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