I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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