another moral hangover. fuck.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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