Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
