quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
