the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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