Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize