I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
