If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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