She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
