My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
you win again, gameday.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
