and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
