If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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