you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
