It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
