So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
