I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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