I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
She made me pour olive oil on her.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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