Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
