so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
