I am puke
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
