In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
