apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
