Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
