i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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