Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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