no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
