She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
