im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize