I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I came so hard my ears popped.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
