how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
