hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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