why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Can I color on your dick again?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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