Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
