I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
