She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
