The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
