apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
how do flat chested girls get laid?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
