Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Houston, we have a blender
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize