apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
