i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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