Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize