Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She needs sedatives and a leash
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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