The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
pop tarts are not kleenex
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
