I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
