Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
