the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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