dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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