I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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