He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
