Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
