I just pynch a tree in the face
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Randomize
