this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
