I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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