it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
