I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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