I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just sucked dick on a ferry
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
