Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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