I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize