Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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