I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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