Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
