I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
