I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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