Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
vagina is talking i cant
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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