Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Randomize