Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
