You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
