Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
