I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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