Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
